Optimism and Acceptance Mindset Series: Blog 1

Welcome to Blog 1 in the 2-part Optimism and Acceptance Mindset Blog Series. My name is Quincy McNamara, I work with Adaptas and I’m currently undertaking a Master’s Degree in Organisational Psychology. Blog 1 in this series focuses on introducing the ‘Optimism and Acceptance Mindset’. Please continue to read Blog 2 for actionable tips in adopting this Mindset successfully.

Positive pop psychology peddles blind optimism – no matter what the situation, always remain positive. This toxic positivity that has circulated mainstream pop psychology is not good for our health. Denying our emotions is detrimental for both our body and mind. A 2013 study by the Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester showed people who bottle up their emotions increase their chance of premature death from all causes by more than 30%, with their risk of being diagnosed with cancer increasing by 70%.

Whilst optimism has been shown to promote longevity, and has myriad health and social benefits, staying optimistic in light of real struggle, despair or tragedy is not realistic. Acceptance is where positive psychology falls short. Acceptance means perceiving your experience and acknowledging it rather than judging it as good or bad. The way in which we can live meaningful lives with as little unnecessary suffering as possible is the adoption of an Optimism and Acceptance Mindset.

Hope for the best, accept the worst

This is a simple analogy to convey what I mean when I speak of adopting the Optimism and Acceptance Mindset. Be an optimist but accept the fact that there are certain things in life beyond your control, and that of which you can’t control – you must learn to accept.

It’s important to adopt a glass-half-full mentality. There are numerous reasons for this. Having a positive attitude can help you keep from getting sick, especially when dealing with stress. In one study, researchers found that optimists generated more antibodies and were better able to reduce inflammation. This is merely one of the many benefits that lend itself to being an optimist, others include having strong social relationships, being viewed as more likeable, better romantic relationships, experiencing more positive emotions and higher levels of life satisfaction.

As for acceptance, you must accept the situation that you are in. Resistance is the root of all unnecessary suffering, so accepting that of which we cannot change will eliminate a lot of the suffering we experience. You must be able to reassure yourself that everything in life happens for a reason. Whatever burden you are facing isn’t accidental. You must simply look at it as an opportunity for a new beginning.

Optimism and Acceptance – opportunities, not challenges

When we incorporate an Optimism and Acceptance Mindset, challenges present themselves as opportunities – obstacles that can be overcome. This, in turn, will help us to become more resilient in every aspect of life. Resilience is the ability to overcome hardship and is vital for our personal development. It is the spring that allows us to bounce back when times are tough. Without it, we would fold whenever life throws us a curveball.

Next week, blog 2 will delve into how to successfully adopt the Optimism and Acceptance Mindset, make sure to join us then to learn some really valuable actionable tips!

Strategic Planning: Lead Yourself Through Growth

Last week I posted a blog on Strategic Thinking and Habit Change. In this blog, I looked at how an imaginary person, Aoife, could apply Strategic Thinking to support her to grow and change.

This concept is particularly relevant to us here at Adaptas because in Oct 2021, Adaptas launched the Skills for Growth programme. Designed to develop self-leadership through habit change, this programme was built from Celine’s books Our Learning Brain and Developing Learning Habits. Check it out HERE, to find out more or register for the next programme kicking off January 2022.

Read on to discover the second part of how becoming more strategic is the key to leading yourself to successful change.

Strategic Planning and Habit Change:

Last week after thinking strategically about her situation, Aoife decided she wanted to work on the following three steps:

Implementing better planning and distraction management through trying a time-boxed scheduling approach.

Building clearer and stronger boundaries between work and personal life.

Carving out and protecting sixty minutes of personal time each week to re-charge and ground herself.

Now that Aoife has a clearer picture of what she wants to change, she needs to pull from strategic planning to figure out how to implement this change.

Strategic Planning is about translating vision into defined goals, objectives, and a sequence of steps describing how to achieve them. It requires organising, prioritising, focusing, detailing, implementing, charts, timetables, task lists and lots more. Without Strategic Thinking, we risk wasting all the energy of strategic planning because we aren’t channeling it into a specific enough goal. Strategic Planning helps us take action through the inevitable discomfort of habit change by defining a clear set of steps, behaviours, and tasks that will move us closer to vision created by strategic thinking.

As Aoife applies Strategic Planning to her habit change goals she will need to consider the following:

What specifically does she need to do?

Learn about time boxed scheduling (interested? Check it out here) and begin practicing this time management approach.
Discuss boundaries with relevant people in her work and personal life and determine some small changes that will strengthen these boundaries.
Identify her 60 minutes per week of personal time and schedule that for herself.
Consider what might block her from following through on all of these steps (i.e. fear of speaking to her manager about work/life boundaries) and devise a strategy to support herself to handle these obstacles (i.e. taking time to center herself before her conversation and remind herself why this change matters to her.)

How will she stay committed to the process, even when it’s not going well?

By reminding herself of the deeper values and purpose that are driving her decision to change.

How will she challenge the old limiting stories that are likely to pop back up?

First by recognising the old limiting story for what it is, a false narrative that is holding her back from change. “There is never enough time, I can’t manage this, I am failing in all areas of my life, it’s impossible.”
Then choosing to focus on a new narrative instead. “There is enough time. I have the ability to make changes that will change my life. I am in control of managing myself. Improvement is possible.”

How will she track and refine her progress as she goes?

Aoife could choose to implement a weekly progress check by doing a 10 minute review and refine on her progress. This means she takes 10 minutes weekly to look back over the previous seven days and note what went well, and what didn’t. Then, she can tweak her strategic approach for the following week based on this information.

How will she know she has been successful?

It will be important for Aoife to clearly define what success will look like for herself, so that she can recognise when she reaches it. It could be when she is able to end the majority of her days with a sense of calm and optimism, or when she manages to achieve her 60 minutes of personal time in 3 out of 4 weeks. We get to choose what success looks like to us, but unless we define it, we risk not noticing our own progress.

We need BOTH.

Ultimately, strategic thinking and strategic planning need to happen to be successful in habit change. Using one without the other will leave us spinning our wheels. To create real and lasting change we need to gain clarity through open minded, expansive thinking and then translate that vision into tangible actions.

If Aoife implements strategic planning she will identify when and how she will start to build a time-boxed schedule, when she is going to start conversations with colleagues about building better communication boundaries, and she will start experimenting with carving out 60 minutes a week for herself. She will speak to her partner and children about what she is doing and why it’s important to her. She will schedule in some time at the end of every week to look back and check in on her progress so that she can learn from what worked and what didn’t.

At times, she might pause and step back into more strategic thinking as a way of refining her goals further and building on her success.

By Annika McGivern, Learning Programme Designer and Facilitator

Find out more about Annika here.

Are you using strategic thinking and planning to support you in making the change you want to make to reach your goals?

In Skills for Growth, a ten-week programme on self-leadership and habit change, Celine and Annika work directly with you to implement both in your growth process. supports you to learn how to apply both to your personal habit change process. Find out more here!

How Soft Skills Can Help Us Manage A Hybrid Workforce

The past year and a half has truly changed the landscape of modern working culture forever. What we have come to learn is that coming into the office is no longer necessary, as people can efficiently and effectively complete their work from home. Productivity increases with a new work-life balance that eliminates wasted time commuting and enabling more efficient self-organisation – these are both great drivers for higher quality performance. Many organisations have implemented hybrid working on account of this realisation.

Knowing that hybrid working is here to stay, it is important that we successfully navigate this unchartered territory. There is a salient need for leaders to deploy their soft skills rather than hard skills, as studies have shown they boost employee retention, engagement and job satisfaction (Zamolo, 2020). Here are three ways you can effectively manage a hybrid workforce by using your soft skills.

Communication

One of the biggest challenges to hybrid work is communication. Poor communication results in lack of productivity and inefficiency due to people not having the knowledge they need to carry out tasks. On account of the introduction to hybrid working, there will be a natural disconnect between those working from home and those who work in the office. Furthermore, those who work remotely may feel like they do not have the same resources at their disposal in comparison to their in-office counterparts.

How can we bridge this disconnect?

1) Make sure everyone is included and visible – The onus is on the manager to ensure that tasks are delegated evenly and appropriately between all staff, regardless of work location. It is also crucial to have regular check-ins with remote staff, as naturally you won’t have as much access to them as you would in-office staff.

2) Lead with Empathy – Actively listen to your team in check-ins, look out for signs that they may be struggling with their mental health and offer to support them in any way you can.

3) In ambiguous times that lack clarity, make sure you are being clear – say what you mean and mean what you say. Be concise with the message you are trying to convey.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is paramount when managing a hybrid workforce. One upside of the pandemic is that organisations have become more invested in the wellbeing of their staff. Developing your EQ will help you in understanding how yourself and your team are feeling.

There are a number of ways you can develop your EQ at work:

1) Collaborate and delegate

2) Do regular EQ assessments

3) Practice acceptance

4) Journal

5) Schedule time for learning

6) Explore your ‘Why’

Build Trust and Psychological Safety

Because team members are working in dissimilar situations, with differing levels of autonomy, ability to socialise and access to the team leader, it is imperative to ensure that all team members are treated equally and fairly, regardless of their work location.

Here are three ways we can build trust and psychological safety within the parameters of a hybrid work environment.

1) Level the playing field – It is important to make sure there is a sense of cohesion within the hybrid work environment and not an ‘us versus them’ mentality amongst the in-office and remote staff. Make sure an even distribution of time and resources are allocated to everyone regardless of work location.

2) Discover their preferred working styles – Find out what is working for your team and what is not. This is not solely about preferences for remote or in-office work. It can pertain to things like preferred level of autonomy, ways to communicate with you (email, phone, chat or video) to something as simple as what times of the day they are most effective and/or most creative, so you can schedule meetings and calls accordingly. Set up regular one-on-ones and check-ins around their schedule and preferences, rather than yours.

3) Discover new team rituals – To cultivate trust and psychological safety, team norms and rituals must be put in place. These can help to reinforce the team identity and cohesion, so that each team member feels included regardless of whether they work remotely or in-office. This may look like a zoom drinks or quiz, or an employee of the month award ceremony.

Key takeaways

1) Employees can work effectively from home – so hybrid working will be a permanent fixture for the foreseeable future

2) Soft skills are crucial when managing a team

3) Effectively communicate – inclusion and visibility of all employees, lead with empathy and be clear and concise

4) Work on your EQ by collaborating and delegating, taking regular EQ tests, journaling and scheduling time for learning

5) Build Psychological safety and trust by making sure all team members get equal opportunity regardless of location, discover your team’s preferred working styles and implement new team rituals

Being More Strategic: Excuses?

More and more these days, it is important to consider being strategic regardless of our position in an organisation.

I am not a strategy specialist. I am coming at this topic ultimately from the perspective of my role as a psychologist and coach, helping people, teams and organisations to step back a bit and consider; ‘Is there another way I (we) can do life and work?’.

Being strategic can be as simple as an employee stepping back and making decisions about priorities and making time to devote to various tasks rather than just keeping the head down getting through task after task as it is assigned. At the other end of the scale, being strategic might be a CEO or a managing director establishing future plans for the entire organisation.

In a previous blog I discussed the challenges of being strategic and the difference between

‘strategic thinking’ and ‘strategic planning’.

Reflections on Being Strategic

If you read my previous blog on this topic, you’ve hopefully taken some time to consider your own strengths in this area and any challenges you might have in getting both elements – ‘thinking’ and ‘planning’ – of being strategic working for you.

Here’s some of my reflections:

In my role as a coach and facilitator of change in individuals, teams and organisations, I am somebody who wants to support transformation in as many people as I can. I often notice themes coming up again and again across clients. In noticing these themes across people and situations, this gives me clues as to what many more people might be thinking. I give myself time to reflect on these themes by asking more questions, discussing the themes with others and through reading and writing about the topics.

To return to a definition of ‘being strategic’ from the first blog in this series

(What do we mean by ‘Be More Strategic?’ Thinking vs planning. (adaptastraining.com))

Being strategic is taking an outside: in view of how things are, and could be done. It’s making sure that an individual, team or organisation’s core competence or competencies are consistently focusing on directional choices that will best move the individual, team or organisation toward its new future, with the least risk and in the most orderly fashion. It’s being proactive rather than reactive. It’s being committed to a vision and purpose.

However, just because I notice a theme and have done the thinking on it, doesn’t mean that my clients on a macro level are going to recognise the importance of addressing this particular theme. There are going to be other things on their minds, depending on their specific role and objectives. My ability to plan strategically as a business owner means I cannot just make a new set of plans to match this new theme. This will confuse my clients and possibly destroy my business. Therefore I need to sit separately in the ‘thinking’ and ‘planning’ and interweave both in making future plans.

My comfort zone in ‘being strategic’

I find I sit most comfortably in the strategic thinking side of things. I have endless ideas on what could be done and how things could be done. But because I have so many ideas and only a small team and very little time outside of my busy days, I am not great on strategic planning. Notice my excuse ‘only a small team and very little time outside of my busy days’? Having a small team does not mean I cannot be great at strategic planning! I just have to make the time to prioritise.

Many people I have coached are great at strategic planning but do not take the thinking time to consider new ways of doing things. They tell me that changing how things are done would create too much risk and so therefore there is no point in wasting time doing the big picture thinking.

Your ‘be more strategic’ challenge: Part 2

What excuses might you be telling yourself that are holding you back from taking adequate time to ‘be strategic’ NOW ?

What Do We Mean By ‘Be More Strategic?’

“I need to be more strategic”.

“I’ve been given feedback that I need to be more strategic”.

“We want our people to be more strategic”.

These are statements I hear regularly from clients about their employees, and directly from my 1-2-1 and group coaching clients about themselves.

Note, I am not a strategy specialist. I am coming at this topic ultimately from the perspective of my role as a psychologist and coach, helping people, teams and organisations to step back a bit and consider; ‘Is there another way I (we) can do life and work?’.

What do we mean by ‘be more strategic’?

We could say that being strategic is taking an outside: in view of how things are, and could be. Having looked up various descriptions, I think this summarises it well:

It’s making sure that an individual, team or organisation’s core competence or competencies are consistently focusing on directional choices that will best move the person, team or organisation toward its new future, with the least risk and in the most orderly fashion. It’s being proactive rather than reactive. It’s being committed to a vision and purpose.

For many of us, it’s more comfortable to take a “heads down” approach to how we work rather than to “lift up” and ‘be strategic’.

Being strategic comes naturally to some but not to all of us. For those of us that it does not come naturally to, it’s important to get our heads around it. We have not necessarily been taught how to be strategic. Did we explicitly learn about strategy in school? I know I didn’t! It all feels like guess work, and depends on our role models and experiences.

By stepping back and wrapping our heads around the different element of being strategic, I believe we can learn. Having spent some time on this for myself and the business during the recent months of Covid-19 life, I suggest you consider the following in relation to your role, your career – and/ or if you want to go big on it – your purpose.

After moving through the process of self-reflection, you might want to consider it all in relation to your team or organisation depending on where you sit in your role.

I believe for many of us, the first step is to recognise what many specialists in the area define as the two main elements of being strategic:

Strategic Thinking and Strategic Planning.

Strategic thinking Vs. strategic planning:

Most of us have a natural propensity towards one of these, more so than the other. Some of us sit more comfortably in ‘thinking’ but sit less comfortably in ‘planning’, whereas many go straight for the ‘planning’ and don’t do the ‘thinking’. Both ‘thinking’ and ‘planning’ are independent, while also being interdependent.

Strategic thinking is about looking at the big picture and considering new ways of doing things and requires ideating, being open-minded, imagining, seeing alternatives, blue sky thinking, root cause analyses and lots more.

Strategic planning is about translating vision into defined goals, objectives, and a sequence of steps describing how to achieve them and requires organising, prioritising, focusing, detailing, implementing, charts, timetables, task lists and lots more.

If we are naturally pre-disposed towards strategic thinking, we create lots of ideas that don’t always come fully to fruition. If we are naturally pre-disposed towards strategic planning we live in an endless cycle of goal setting and measuring objectives without coming up for air to consider if there might be other ways to do what we are doing.

It can be a challenge for many of us to get it right, possibly because it’s time consuming to first of all take time to do the ‘strategic thinking’ and then also to do the ‘strategic planning’.

Getting both strategic thinking and strategic planning working for us takes some serious commitment.

Your ‘be more strategic’ challenge: Part 1

Where is your comfort zone?: Strategic thinking or Strategic planning or neither?

If you were to do more of the one you are not pre-disposed towards, which one would it be?

What would you need to make this happen? Time, permission, support, or just getting out of your own way?

Let’s revisit ‘being strategic’ in the coming weeks.

First of all I recommend reflecting on the questions above and make a commitment to yourself to carve out some time for ‘strategic thinking’ or ‘strategic planning’, or both.

The Power of Vulnerability

I’ve been having a lot of conversations about leadership and vulnerability recently.

The word ‘vulnerability’ raises so many objections. Many people who are leading others are terrified that if they show any vulnerability it will make them seem weak.

What is Vulnerability?

Brené Brown defines vulnerability as ‘uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure’.

And leadership is all about uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.

Leadership and vulnerability have a lot in common!

The Link Between Vulnerability & Leadership

Just like vulnerability, leadership requires us to step up, step forward, constantly stepping out of our comfort zones.

“Vulnerability is not weakness, but rather our clearest path to courage.” —Brene Brown

Most of us were brought up to believe it’s not okay to admit weakness. However, we can see everywhere the most authentic leaders are the ones we admire. Authenticity requires developing true self-awareness.

This takes courage and can be challenging, and sometimes painful. In developing self-awareness, we have to admit all sorts of things to ourselves. Transformation cannot exist without courage. Courage, in turn, requires vulnerability. That is, an openness to uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. Much of the literature and research relating to creativity and innovation in organisations shows successful results from cultures where ‘risk taking (within safe boundaries) is encouraged and where there is an acceptance that not all innovation will be successful.’

This type of culture enables ‘psychological safety, such that staff feel confident speaking out about errors, problems and
uncertainties and feel empowered and supported to develop and implement ideas for new and improved ways of delivering services.’ Psychological safety evolves when leaders display vulnerability. Otherwise it will never feel okay for others to make mistakes and admit uncertainties.

When we talk about vulnerability in leadership, the objection is often the fear of having to expose our deepest and darkest fears. However, this is not the expectation.

For example, vulnerability can simply be any and all of the following three:

1. Admit you don’t have all the answers. This encourage others to share their ideas.

2. Share that you have struggled with something in the past and what you did to rectify that struggle. This encourages growth mindset and openness to learning in others.

3. Discuss what is important to you – your values. This will help others to share their values and recognise you all have more in common than it may seem.

Is doing any of the above weak? I don’t think so.

Try ‘vulnerability’ on and let us know how it goes for you…

Certainty in an Uncertain World

VUCA – Uncertainty Is Just One Element

For many years those of us working in the leadership arena have found ourselves discussing VUCA.

VUCA is an acronym that stands for volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity. This combination of qualities taken together, characterise the nature of difficult conditions and situations where change is accelerating on a rapid level; technology, economics, warfare, world leadership, extremism, conflict, political dysfunction, social media, automation etc.

We have recently been witnessing VUCA together on a global scale due to Corona Virus Disease 2019.

Every single one of us have adapted in so many different ways.

But there is still a level of uncertainty, because business and life is not what it used to be, and will never be again.

We all have many questions: What’s coming next? How will this effect our lives long-term? What is the impact on our relationships, communities, organisations, economy, health?

Adapting at the speed of change that has been required has put pressure on us all in so many different ways.

To thrive in this VUCA world, uncertainty is the new normal. In life, so many of us try to control situations and to create stability and security. As we can see right now, there is so much that is beyond our control.

I’ve been thinking about a few things each of us can do to continue to get used to living in this VUCA world.

Here are 3 tips:

1. Control

What one thing can you create in your day that you can be certain about and that gives YOU a sense of having some control. This could be as simple as ‘regardless of what is going on around me, I eat an orange every day at 8am’, or ‘I get 15 minutes of air every single day at lunchtime’, or ‘I call one friend or colleague to check in at the start or end of my day’.

2. Flexibility

Having built in one thing that you can control. What can you do to help yourself have a more flexible approach to life, relinquishing some need to control? You may have a plan but one thing is certain, you will need to shift and change with the circumstances. We are all having to continue shifting to the new circumstances. Many of us are continuing to self-isolate. Many still have to entertain children while schools are closed as well as doing all their work from home. Many are having to re-think our roles and businesses.

As this new life and world continues to evolve, I recommend checking in with yourself on a daily basis and asking yourself ‘In what ways could I be more flexible?’ or ‘In what ways could I relinquish control? – ‘with myself, with other people and with the situation I find myself in?’ Things don’t’ have to be done the way they have always been done, clearly. Nevertheless we are creatures of habit, and we will fall into assumptions, expectations and judgements. This VUCA world is likely to continue, so how can you become more flexible in how you go about life?

3.Media Consumption

Be careful what media you are following. What are the facts? And be careful with your level of intake of the various media. Do you really need the updates every few minutes, every hour or even every day? There is only so much negative information our brain can interpret and our mind can digest before our mental health is affected.

I have found it helpful to check in with myself on all three items weekly and sometimes daily. Give it a go and let me know how you get on?

The Power Of The Domino Effect in Organisations

Updated July 27th 2023

I was in Heathrow airport recently. I had just joined a fairly long queue to go through security to make a connection flight, when the man beside me gently alerted a passing staff member and asked “Excuse me, has the fast track through security been removed?”. The staff member responded defensively, and in an accusatory, bordering on angry tone “there were two escalators, you should have taken the other one!”. The man innocently responded “I wasn’t told”. The staff member looked at him, shrugged her shoulder in a ‘not my problem!’ fashion and marched off. The customer was left stunned! He had asked a valid question in a friendly manner and he might as well have been spat on.

From an observers viewpoint, this staff member treated the customer with disdain and disrespect. He looked embarrassed. Everyone in the queue who had been bored of queuing and had watched the interaction appeared to be likewise feeling embarrassed for or with him, with all of us looking at each other, wondering ‘what just happened there?’, ‘what’s her problem?’ or maybe ‘what’s wrong with queueing with us?’.

Now, this staff member might have been on the defense because she was sick to the back teeth of being asked this same question, or because a customer had previously been angry at her about the same situation, or perhaps she was just generally having a bad afternoon.

Either way she seemed to be making some sort of assumption, and living in a reactive mode in that moment. She had possibly assumed that this customer was going to be cranky or have some sort of problem; that he might in fact take out on her. The thing is, in her reaction, she turned a fairly content yet curious customer who simply wondered if there was a way to avoid a long queue (who wouldn’t?), into an irritated customer, who then took his irritation out on her colleagues as he moved through security. I watched, and I can tell you there was no more ‘Mr. nice mannerly guy’.

I see this and hear of this all the time in organisations. It’s like a domino effect until one of us takes action not to pass the blame, irritation, frustration or anger on. Are you taking responsibility and action to break the domino effect that cascades through organisations? If you can take responsibility for your own tendency to pass on the blame, or to put your own frustration and irritation onto other people, it will result in a large improvement in your general wellbeing, communication with others, and effective leadership skills! If you can get a few others to also take responsibility to be where “the book stops”, you will then work in a nicer and more successful space. Sometimes it’s that simple!

How Can We Become ‘Brainier’?

Updated July 27th 2023

Has it ever dawned on you that your brain may be the best piece of technology you have?

You might ask whether we have any control over that technology that rests on our shoulders?

The answer is YES.

Brain plasticity, is a term that refers to the brain’s ability to change and adapt as a result of experience. In this technological age we live in, machines have the knowledge and know the facts. It is nevertheless down to how creatively we can use our brains to interpret and use this information to a high-level that drives our success.

This week, my colleague, Dr. Celine Mullins, is speaking at the Learning & Technologies Conference (www.learningtechnologies.co.uk) on the topic ‘Why change isn’t easy and how to help people tackle it’ Celine, together with Brid Nunn (Learning & Development Design Manager, Marks and Spencer Retail) will validate how engaging employees creatively and in a way that the brain best commits to change, makes real business sense. Positive engagement by staff inevitably leads to higher rates of customer satisfaction directly impacting on bottom line sales. Whilst all at the same time, employees are happier too!

This talk will be all about putting the employees and customers in the centre of the action. But how can we put ourselves in the centre of the action everyday? How can we engage our minds to make the best use of this technology available to us? From the latest research in neuropsychology, here are some simple no-nonsense tips:

1. Concentrate on what is working and the motivation will naturally follow When we focus on what is working more than what is not, our brains become positively charged. As a result it is less likely for negativity to set in. The brain finds it tricky to be positive and negative at the same time! When you are in this frame of mind, you will naturally be more motivated to produce really good quality work, and your colleagues and customers will enjoy being around you too. Find out what things trigger you to enjoy yourself more in general, and explore whether you can integrate them into your work in any way. That way you are creating the motivation to become the best version of yourself, inside and out. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!

2. Bite-sized goals (i.e. chunking down) Why clean the house from top to bottom in one evening and be so wrecked that you are not inspired to do it again for a month? The brain likes good memories of things so when we break goals or jobs into bite-sized pieces, the memory of the ‘job’ is not so bad and we are happy to take on the task again and again.

3. Keep doing it until it becomes habit If you are having fun and chunking things down, new habits (e.g. going to the gym) will become easier to repeat. The more we repeat things and the more we want to repeat things, the more hardwired the new habits become in the brain. I liken this to programming a computer! Using this approach, we are less likely to slip into bad habits again.

4. Keep the self-judgement to a minimum Finally, if you do fall off the bandwagon with a change/new habit, don’t give yourself a hard time. Negative self-chat imprisons you in your own fear and makes it difficult to take action to get back on track again. It also blocks channels in the brain from seeing solutions as it goes into blinkered survival mode. There is always a positive way to reframe a mistake or stumbling block. Just make a decision to love learning and move on! If we are not learning we are dead!

If you have just read this entire blog, you have already begun to use many of the principles of neuroplasticity. You are on your way to becoming a very ‘brainy’ person. Go forth and conquer!

How to Bore Friends and Lose Employees

Updated July 26th 2023

Only a select few can successfully “talk at” others, relying on their charm and storytelling prowess to captivate their audience. However, the majority of us lack such innate abilities, yet we often find ourselves constantly talking at others instead of engaging in meaningful conversations by asking questions and actively listening. True active listening means dedicating genuine attention, not merely waiting for the other person to pause so that we can interject with our own thoughts. Regrettably, this skill of truly listening eludes many of us.

Not knowing how to listen is doing massive damage in organisations: “Not being really listened to by my manager/s” is one of the most common complaints we hear from the people and teams we work with. This is no trite matter. The extent of this is losing people to absenteeism, and more long-term losing them forever to other organisations. When it takes on average 25,000 euro to recruit and train a new person, it is quite incredible to think that we are losing this money spent over something as humanly basic as listening, don’t you think?’

You may be thinking to yourself that the people who say they are not being listened to are just playing the victim, but we see it with our own eyes all the time. People think they are listening to others, but in actual fact they are not!

Research in neuroscience (Spunt, 2013), indicates the presence of two large-scale systems in the human brain that play a major role in successful listening: the putative mirror neuron system, which likely facilitates the relatively automatic perception of the how of speech (i.e., how it is being said); and the so-called mentalizing system, which likely underlies our ability to actively reach conclusions about the why (i.e., why it is being said) of speech behavior. The dynamic interaction of mirroring and mentalizing processes may be pivotal for successful listening and social interaction more generally. Often managers are more focused on the tasks that must be achieved, thinking about their next meeting or worrying about something they can do nothing about, than fully engaging these systems.

Neuroscience has confirmed what we have always known, that there is an important difference between hearing and listening. Neuroscientist Seth Horowitz: “While it might take you a full second to notice something out of the corner of your eye, turn your head toward it, recognise it and respond to it, the same reaction to a new or sudden sound happens at least 10 times as fast.” Horowitz says hearing has evolved as a more essential tool for survival than sight. So we have no excuse. We have the hardware , we just don’t have the focus and we don’t take the time.

However, we humans are not totally at fault. Some would argue that the technological age we live in, where we are constantly looking at screens (computers, iPads, texting on phones) is etching away at our ability to listen. Horowitz says ‘The modern world of sound—and more often, noise—is being overrun by digital distraction and information overload’.

Many managers wonder why their teams aren’t as productive as they might be. In our experience, we see time and time again that when managing performance, as with much of the interacting we do in life, people often “wait to speak” rather than listening attentively and actively. Yet listening tunes our brain to the patterns of our environment faster than any other sense, and paying attention to the nonvisual parts of our world feeds into everything. Our reactions to what we hear are less processed and more instinctive than our reactions to what we see.’ Horowitz describes the auditory sense as the human “alarm system” that operates constantly, even while asleep.

If we truly listen, we can tune into what might be holding a team member back, that small nudge that someone needs to help push them over the finishing line. Ask questions, and listen to the variation in people’s words, and their tone of voice NOW instead of waiting until they are shouting for attention or worse still, they’ve left the building, and you’ll never hear their voice again!

The Funniest and Most Enjoyable Thing About Charisma Is…

Updated July 26th 2023

I have managers coming to me for coaching quite regularly, telling me they want to develop their charisma, so that they will be in the running for a position opening up for VP, director or partner. They seem to think there is a potion I can give to them that will make their charisma magically grow.

Oh how wonderful it would be if I could create this potion. We could all swallow it and become as charismatic and as influential as JFK, Oprah, Obama, Princess Diana, Gandhi, Reagan, Clinton (insert your favorite here). Love them or hate them, they’ve got charisma! And like all of us, none of them are, or were perfect!

Can you think of a charismatic person you know or have met? What was it about them that made them charismatic in your opinion? Did they talk endlessly about themselves with unbridled enthusiasm and confidence? Or was it a two-way conversation where they engaged by asking questions, showing genuine interest in your responses, and spoke about themselves only when they had information, a fact, a story, or an experience that could be of assistance or interest to you?

(If you don’t want to read this article but would like to see 2 new jokes I learnt today, skip to the end)

What most people in search of charisma don’t realise is that research shows us that charismatic people are those that display not only confidence, but consideration and empathy. They are people who offer social support to others, and are trustworthy. In organisations, they are the people who have close interaction and exchange with the people on their teams, and who build strong social networks.

Charisma and Leadership are often seen going hand in hand. Have you heard of transformational leadership? Transformational leaders are those leaders able to inspire their followers to accomplish great things i.e. to move their followers to a high level of performance by affective and inspirational engagement through idealised influence, inspirational motivation, intellectual stimulation and individualised consideration. To do this, they are required to be mindful of the needs and motivations of others, facilitate complex interactions in group dynamics and steer their employees forward in the course of their managerial/decision-making responsibilities.

Research finds that transformational leaders are regarded as charismatic. These leaders do the following:
• Display consideration and empathy
• Possess mature moral development
• Have close interaction and exchange with their people
• Build strong social networks within their organisations
• Offer social support to the individuals and teams they manage

Effective leaders are transformational and charismatic. Those who display traits listed above exhibit high standards of performance and ethics and are deeply trusted and respected by their followers. Because of that people identify with and want to emulate them. Would you like people to identify with and emulate you?

Interestingly, a meta-analysis of trust and effective leadership has shown that when leaders are perceived as trustworthy, this translates into perceived organizational trustworthiness and results in positive employee and organizational outcomes (Dirks & Ferrin, 2002) such as higher organisational citizenship behaviors (Krosgaard, Brodt, & Whitener, 2002).

By the way, charisma isn’t the same thing as confidence, but appearing confident can make you more charismatic because your confidence will put others at ease and inspire faith in your abilities. If people see you as a confident person, they will naturally want to be around you.

There is no magic potion, funny that!. Charisma is not about being an extrovert or about pretending to care about other people. It’s about genuinely liking other people. The emotional component of that is really hard to fake! But when you have it, other people feel important. Furthermore, if you don’t have it now but are willing to start practicing the true traits of charismatic people, you will even end up enjoying yourself more, regardless of who you are with!

Some charismatic people tell jokes!

Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other: “Funny, I smell carrots too”.

That didn’t make you laugh…Ok try this:

A magician was driving down the road, then he turned into a drive way…

Ah I give up…

Optimism and Acceptance Mindset Series: Blog 1