International Day of Happiness!

Updated August 1st 2023

Today is International Day of Happiness.

“The International Day of Happiness recognises the relevance of happiness and well-being as universal goals and aspirations in the lives of human beings around the world and the importance of their recognition in public policy objectives.” According to the United Nations website.

Did you know that Increased happiness leads to 12% increased productivity?

Did you know that it is possible to raise your levels of happiness above your genetic setpoint?

Did you realise that your level of happiness also impacts on your health?

What is Happiness?

The Merriam-Webster dictionary describes happiness as “a state of well-being and contentment” and “a pleasurable or satisfying experience”.

How are you doing with your own Happiness?

Personally I struggle with this during the winter months! I force myself to SMILE as soon as I wake up. This gets the endorphins, serotonin and dopamine going! Even a fake smile is useful!

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy”

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Ever noticed, how some people are able to remain happy even when faced with adverse circumstances? Whereas some people seem to always be unhappy even when things are going well!. So why are some people happier than others?

Lyubomirsky (2001) notes that happy people interpret events and situations in a way that strengthens, maintains or promotes their happiness. On the other hand, people who are unhappy, by nature interpret their experiences in a manner that reinforces their unhappiness and negative self-views.

Objective factors such as wealth and health etc. can have effects on people’s happiness levels. At the same time, there are several psychological processes that control the impact certain events and life circumstances have on a person’s well-being (Lyubomirsky, 2001).

Mainly, people who are happier tend to have more success in work, relationships and health when compared to those who are less happy. What many people don’t realise (and per over 200 studies with students and Fortune 500 companies) is that happiness encourages success rather than the other way around.

How Happy is your workplace?

Have you ever considered, how much the happiness of you and your colleagues impacts on each of your individual success? Every considered how happiness impact on the success of your team and the organisation? Or are you, by chance, a person of the opinion that work and happiness are not related? Or perhaps you have the opinion that happiness is a luxury that only the wealthy or famous have time for?

A study entitled “Happiness and Productivity” (Oswald et al, 2015) provides evidence of a link between human happiness and human productivity. Increased happiness, according to this research, leads to 12% increased productivity. Lower happiness is systematically associated with lower productivity. This finding is consistent with the existence of a causal link continuously seen in Positive Psychology between human well-being and human performance.

According to Happiness Advantage (2010) author and Harvard Researcher Shawn Achor:

Optimistic Sales people outsell their pessimistic counterparts by 56%

Doctors put in a positive state, make an accurate diagnosis 19% faster

Students primed to feel happy before taking a math achievement test, outperform their peers

Research shows that being happy before and during work makes us more resourceful and effective. Ultimately feeling happy improves our problem-solving skills!

We know that happy people have certain ‘adaptive characteristics’ and tend to engage in certain behaviours that helps someone thrive and succeed in life. Because of that, here at Adaptas, as part of our Leadership Development Program, and Executive Coaching, we support you to cultivate and manage your own happiness and the happiness of your teams!

Check out our Leadership Module; The Adaptas Happy Leader

And here is one of my favourite TedTalks, Shawn Achor, talks about the Happines Advantage; which is worth watching over and over just for the unicorn story.

What If You Are Low In Controlling Thinking And Behaviour?

Updated August 1st 2023

It is important to make people aware of where their thinking is in this area.

Referring to the BIAC Thinking Styles process, a Team Leader or manager who is Centred in their ‘Controlling’ Thinking and Behavior will have no difficulty empowering others, but is fully capable of being in charge, if required.

They are particularly good team leaders and will tend to create the right, most effective team dynamic. So what about if you are ‘low’ in ‘Controlling’ Thinking and Behaviour?

Let’s take the case of another senior manager I worked with recently:

A finance accountant, in another global organisation, let’s call her Flo. When I first met her, she expressed that she was feeling very stressed. She also talked about two of her peers whom she was ‘afraid of upsetting’ because they are both ‘strong confident characters’, who ‘do not react well to input or feedback’. Flo never makes a decision without consulting these two peers, and often ends up performing items that are their responsibilities, even though she is extremely busy with her own activities.

Flo, on being measured by BIAC, came out as ‘low’ on ‘Controlling’ Thinking and Behaviour. What this tells us, is that she gives way and allows others to take complete control, and dictate her approach to making key decisions.

Very ‘low controlling’ belief leads to thinking and behaviour which empowers colleagues or customers to the point where they take over and dictate to you the terms, conditions and overall approach on most issues. Describing very ‘low controlling’ thinkers, customers or indeed colleagues will say ‘he or she cannot make a decision or a stand on any issue’. For the person themselves, the stress from this type of behaviour can be quite severe, as there is often an inner feeling of disappointment with their own performance and a sense of being put upon. This person will often end up doing the work of others as well as their own. They will often hesitate when faced with a decision and let others do their own thing.

Flo, I learn, has been extremely stressed and had to take a few weeks off for stress leave a few months back.

I also later find out that these two peers are, in actual fact, two of Flo’s direct reports! Her ‘low controlling’ Thinking and Behaviour has allowed her to fool herself into thinking they are at the same level of management as her!

Believe it or not, our thinking and the beliefs that they stem from, can absolutely convince us of things that are not in fact true, about ourselves and others.

Realising that your beliefs and your thinking are not useful or optimum sure is frustrating. But it is progress, and awareness means you can change your behaviour. Flo has been working on this and I am happy to report she is making great strides, and is healthier and happier in recent weeks!

Are You Controlling Others Or Are You Letting Them Control You?

Updated August 1st 2023

In our most recent blog, we shared an example of someone who is High in Controlling Thinking and Behaviour.

Ted: A great guy, technically excellent, leading teams who are making an impact in his organisation globally. But at the same time, has been disempowering others who would potentially take the reigns for him in teams he has been building so that he could operate on a more strategic level. There is also potential for some of them to get promoted; this is a very fast growing organisation and it would be much more effective, in terms of expertise and resources to promote internally straight into management positions!

Before finding out his BIAC Thinking Styles results, Ted believed he was a fair, well measured manager who managed to get on with everyone and who was doing things better than most of his peers. In actual fact, his High Controlling Thinking and Behaviour style has been doing him, his team and the organisation a huge disservice!

Ted, recently said, “I have reflected on this (his results) hugely! I am feeling a lot calmer and less stressed. Am definitely asking more open-ended questions, and stopping myself when I am becoming too controlling. In meetings I am taking a less aggressive approach and white boarding people’s opinions and talking things through with them. Before each 1-2-1, I am thinking about the controlling piece and making sure I extract ideas from people and not ram things down their throat. So all in all I am feeling good!”

A person who is centred in Controlling Thinking and Behaviour (as measured by BIAC; a thinking, behavioural & adjustment profiling tool) will have no difficulty empowering others but is fully capable of being in charge, if required.

So what about if you are Low in Controlling Thinking and Behaviour? What happens then? Tune in next week to find out…

How Controlling Are You?

Updated August 1st 2023

In our previous blog, we explored the significance of clear and consistent communication as a fundamental factor in fostering high employee engagement. However, I’ve observed that some managers mistakenly interpret clear and consistent communication as simply issuing directives and, in some cases, resorting to controlling or micromanaging their staff. True clarity and consistency in communication should encompass a more balanced approach that encourages open dialogue, active listening, and empowerment, rather than solely relying on one-way commands.

A client who truly brings this to life, has recently been promoted to a senior management position in a multinational. Let’s call him Ted. He is clearly good at what he does, with his teams leading the pace and breaking all sales targets worldwide.

Just before our most recent session together, we measured him on his thinking styles, using BIAC (A thinking, behavioural & adjustment profiling tool created in Ireland and now being used worldwide). Turns out he is extremely high in ‘Controlling Thinking’, scoring an 8.

Someone in his position needs to be a 4/5 to be effective in how they manage others, never mind the stress he is causing himself with his thinking operating at this extreme.

In my first two sessions with him, prior to completing BIAC, he told me he has ‘a very good relationship’ with everyone on his team. They’ve been beating global targets. All is great.

Except my client is stressed beyond belief. He wakes up worrying about maintaining these targets, about whether everyone on the team is doing what they have been ‘told’ to do.

Through our conversation he realises that what he thinks has been effective conversations with his staff (performance and other) has actually been him ‘telling’ them and he is suddenly aware that he has not in anyway been empowering his team and has actually been aggressive.

Through our conversation, he realises that he is partly to blame for two of his team members not getting a promotion they were in line for. Many of their KPI’s were not achieved, because of him and his controlling tendencies!

This has been a huge blind spot for him and there is now potentially massive room for improvement for himself, and also growth for the individuals on his team.

What is High Controlling Thinking?

A person who is High in Controlling Thinking and Behaviour finds difficulty letting go of control, puts down perceived challenge and will create a dependent dis-empowering culture within a team or group of colleagues. Too high on controlling usually means having to be in charge at all costs. Losing control can set off alarm bells leading to aggression, sometimes to intimidation, and ‘stress overload’ in one’s self and others.

Controlling thinking behaviour can go various directions. Some of us are high in it, some of us are low in it, and some of us are centred. See our next upcoming blog to learn more about where your Controlling Thinking might lie.

Do You Have The ‘Difficult Conversations’ With Your Staff?

Updated August 1st 2023

I had an interesting encounter recently with a Managing Director, let’s call him Dom. I wanted to find out how he manages difficult conversations and communicates with his staff.

“Having difficult conversations? Listening to people? Why do I need to?” asks Dom.
“How have you survived this long without having these conversations, with a business that is 12 years old and has grown to over 100 people?” I ask.
“I delegate all difficult conversations” he says.
“Wow, that is some expertise in delegation!” I respond.

If this ‘delegating conversations’ was unusual, it would not be all that useful for me to write about and for you to read. At least he is being honest. It is often only when I ask people to give me examples of difficult conversations they have had or need to have, that it transpires they have been avoiding having many, many, many conversations they should have been having all along. My experience, as well as research, shows that not having these conversations results in lack of clarity, lack of follow through and a general disengagement by employees.

Did you know, that 1 in 2 people leave their job to get away from their manager?

Did you know that managers account for at least 70% of variance in employee engagement scores?

Did you know that employees whose managers excel at performance management activities are more engaged than employees whose managers struggle with these same tasks.?

And did you know that, clear & consistent communication — whether it occurs in person, over the phone or electronically – is 1 of the main ingredients connected to higher engagement?

Dom and I engaged in a role-play exercise, simulating a conversation that Dom had been avoiding for quite some time. Having already practiced various scenarios with his colleagues, Dom understood the importance of being an attentive listener in this particular conversation. However, during our role-play, I noticed that he appeared to be listening while only pretending to do so. Although he asked relevant questions (which is often half the battle), it was evident to me, and therefore would most likely be evident to others, that his attention was not fully engaged. Perhaps his position as the MD and the support he receives from his senior team allowed him to get away with it so far, but the consequences are becoming apparent. Dom realizes that he must address this issue promptly to prevent potential problems. He can no longer delegate important conversations; his colleagues have reached their limit.

Of course, it is everyone’s responsibility to have conversations. If you would like to consider whether you are asking questions and actually listening, see some more blogs on this topic below:

When is the last time you said Thank You to your team?

FEEDBACK – Everyone needs Feedback!

The Power of the Domino Effect in Organisations

Positive Leadership Engages Employees

Updated August 1st 2023

I am involved in, committed to and enthusiastic about my work and workplace…does that sound like you?

Gallup (a US workplace research company) have been studying employee engagement for years. The above is how they describe an engaged employee. A recent article by Mann & Harter (2016) illustrated that worldwide only 13% of employees in organisations are considered to be engaged workers.

Additionally, did you know that managers who are optimistic are more engaged and are more likely to manage teams that produce better results? This is according to a study by Arakawa & Greenberg. The study also showed that managers who valued their employees strengths, who had a positive perspective and regularly provided recognition of accomplishments, had employees who were themselves optimistic and engaged. Positive leadership is shown to be related to employee engagement and performance. This illustrates the importance of optimism in the workplace.

Arakawa & Greenberg found that employee optimism was related to their engagement in work which was linked to their project performance. These findings “suggest that managers who currently embody positive leadership are contributing to the effectiveness of not only their employees, but also the organisation as a whole.” (Arakawa & Greenberg, 2007).

There is much evidence showing that leaders need to reflect on the emotions that they are portraying at work every day, as their mood will be reflected by their team. And as Barsade & O’Neill suggest, leaders need to focus less on their ‘cognitive culture’ (teamwork, performance etc.) and develop more their emotional culture using (as mentioned in recent blogs) companionate love, joy and pride. Hold out for our next blog to learn more about how to do so.

When Was The Last Time You Said ‘Thank You’ To Your Team?

Updated August 1st 2023

When was the last time you said ‘thank you’ or expressed genuine interest towards someone on your team? Or are you of the opinion that if someone performs the role they are assigned to and they get paid for it, then ‘thank you’ is not necessary?

Imagine if you knew that simply taking a moment to express gratitude or inquire about someone’s well-being could significantly enhance satisfaction and teamwork, reduce absenteeism, and create a positive impact on customers and clients. Would you then be motivated to make a more concerted effort in this regard?

As you might recall, I mentioned a study conducted by Barsade & O’Neill (2014a) in our previous blog. They discovered that the presence of companionate love, characterized by interdependence, sensitivity, warmth, affection, and connection among individuals, fosters higher employee satisfaction and improved teamwork while simultaneously reducing work absenteeism and emotional exhaustion.

They also found that this type of culture is positively related to client outcomes. When this research was carried out in a hospital setting, it found that workers who had a better emotional and caring culture directly influenced their patients who experienced better mood and satisfaction, and increased quality of life.

Barsade & O’Neill illustrated across a variety of organisations and industries that it was the strength of an organisations companionate love culture that determined employee engagement; where people could express affection, tenderness and caring, had higher levels of job satisfaction, commitment to the organisation and accountability for their work.

In workplaces that don’t experience or promote companionate love there are minimal displays of affection, caring and compassion among workers and people tend to be more indifferent towards each other. Employees in such cultures don’t get to experience the positive emotions that go with companionate love in work and they are less equipped to deal with work situations that are going badly.

I know the idea of this at all makes a lot of people very uncomfortable. But it doesn’t have to be complicated: Barsade & O’Neill illustrate that most importantly “it is the small moments between coworkers — a warm smile, a kind note, a sympathetic ear — day after day, month after month, that help create and maintain a strong culture of companionate love and the employee satisfaction, productivity, and client satisfaction that comes with it.”

I know there have been many times I have suggested to people in management positions to say ‘thank you’, or to write the odd note. I have often been asked in response to this type of suggestion, ‘isn’t it enough that people get paid?!’ or similar.

What do you think?

Inspiring Leadership, Be Aware Of Your Blind Spot.

Updated August 1st 2023

In our most recent blog we discussed ‘Inspiring Leadership’ and I shared some examples of where it is not happening. In my conversations with the individuals who were experiencing the complete opposite of ‘Inspiring Leadership’, we were trying to work out if the leaders in question were aware of their behaviour and impact. It is possible they are not. We ALL have blind spots!

You may also recall Johari’s Window, mentioned in our second last blog.
As you will know from that blog, (or maybe you knew already), the Open Arena/Area (Area know to self and others) is argued to be the most important quadrant. The argument is that the more people know about each other, the more productive, cooperative, and effective they are likely to be when working together. In Johari’s Window there is a quadrant known as Unknown (known to nobody, including myself!) and Blind Spot/Area (known to others, but unknown to me).

During a course I attended, I had a remarkable moment of newfound awareness. Throughout the program, I sought opportunities to connect with the other attendees, including one woman in particular. Unfortunately, despite my genuine attempts to engage with her during the exercises, I couldn’t shake off the feeling of being repeatedly snubbed.

As time went on, I reached a point where I decided to stop making any further efforts to connect with her. It seemed like she had little interest in engaging, and I found myself mostly ignoring her. It was an unusual approach for me, but the demanding challenges presented during the course required me to be selective when deciding where to invest my energy. I made a deliberate choice to prioritise my own learning through the set exercises.

On the final day of the course we were all saying good-bye to each other, and she walked straight up to me and apologised. I asked her why she was apologising and she said that on meeting me and hearing me speak during the introductions on the first day she had felt intimidated. For me to think someone might find me intimidating was shocking. I asked her what it was I did that intimidated her. She told me that it was some sense of confidence I had that she felt she did not have, and so she felt small in my presence.

Wow! There I was thinking I do a great job of making people feel comfortable! She told me that through the course she had finally realized that she could become as confident as I appeared and that there was no reason to feel intimidated! Phew!

It’s fascinating how we often notice qualities in others that we believe we lack ourselves, leading us to either gravitate towards them or keep our distance. It’s equally remarkable to reflect on my personal growth journey, recognising how I once struggled with self-confidence and how far I have come since then. I now find myself contemplating how many people I may have thought I took a dislike to when, in truth, I was potentially intimidated by certain aspects they possessed – qualities I actually aspired to have.

I share this because it is important on a number of fronts:

A) I was wholly unaware that the confidence I have spent years building could be intimidating to others. Even though I look to represent and be a beacon of what one can overcome if one so wishes (In my case low self-esteem, depression, dyslexia!), doesn’t mean that it makes other people comfortable!

B) Both she and I were stuck in the Unknown Area (represents things that are unknown by you, and are unknown by others). Because we disconnected from each other early on, there was a whole host of things that were unknown to each other; we were making assumptions and we were potentially losing out on other gains. I made assumptions that she was rude and ignorant, but actually she was intimidated and I later realised she is a very nice woman! I’ve asked it many times in previous blogs, but how much are our assumptions about other people’s behavior taking us in the wrong direction every day?

C) I made a decision, having been snubbed off, that I would focus my energy on the exercises rather than on building a particular relationship. How often do we all do this in life and in the workplace, focusing on the task rather than the people? As Adele Cooper, Head of Partnerships for the UK and Ireland at Pinterest says “Make getting to know people individually- their roles, responsibilities, what frustrates them-a priority over hitting immediate business goals or achieving personal success. Motivating every member of the team enables it to be more successful”.

Hmmm, still lots to think about with Johari’s Window, relationships and leadership (of ourselves and others!). Keep reflecting on the responsibility and actions you are taking on, while reading these blogs (or not) and we will continue…..if you have any comments of questions, don’t be shy! If you like what you read please give it a thumbs up.

How Can We Help Our Leaders become ‘Inspiring Leaders?’

Updated August 1st 2023

In the past week, I have spoken with a number of people across diverse organisations who are experiencing what could best be described as bullying. All of them are extremely bright and committed individuals, (a mixture of senior managers, director and chief officers) and two of them are considering resigning in coming months. I guarantee that their potential resignation will be a blow to their teams and have wide rippling effects cross-functionally and beyond.

If only this was an uncommon situation. However, unfortunately it is not. Think about it. Me, one person who had 3 separate conversations in the space of one week with 3 people who lead large teams and who are all experiencing some form of bullying from their reporting manager…this does not bode well!

If you read our last blog, you will recall the mention of Kinjerski and Skrypnek (2006), who explored what they term ‘Spirit at Work’ (having high feelings of wellbeing, feeling like your work matters and feeling connected to your colleagues; all helping to provide meaning and fulfillment in work). You will also recall that there are a number of factors required to develop ‘Spirit at Work’.

One such factor, indeed the most important factor, according to Kinjerski & Skrypnek is ‘Inspiring Leadership’

“Inspiring Leaders:

Create a caring culture.
Are caring in the sense that the welfare of their staff and work relationships are important.
Embody behaviours that match those of the organisations’ philosophy and intentions.
Encourage and help staff to reach their goals.
Communicate tasks clearly.
Involve people in the decision-making process.
Delegate responsibility so workers can make decisions about their work on their own.”

Kinjerski and Skrypnek (2006) found that a positive workplace was important in creating ‘Spirit at work’. Positive working environments help people develop a sense of spirit at work where they feel good during work, they are happy with their organisation and they focus on tasks required during work.

The people I mentioned above are experiencing the exact opposite of ‘Inspiring Leadership’.

As we all know, the workplace culture reflects the leadership within the organisation, the relationships among colleagues, the opportunities and priorities in an organisation, and how people are viewed in the organisation.

i.e. don’t expect people to show up in certain ways if you are not leading by example. A positive workplace is one where care, teamwork and support are displayed and developed by senior staff; this creates a workplace where people are able to work to their best/perform best.

Pamela Quinn (MD of Kuehne + Nagel Ireland, one of the worlds largest logistic companies) states: “I believe that people mirror behaviours and they tend naturally to follow the behaviours they see around them.”

How have your reflections been re. the Open/Arena Area (the Area known to self and others), of Johari’s Window? Are you taking the lead in this one?

If you are reading the current blogs and thinking this is all fluffy stuff, have a look around you and consider my experiences in the past week. Three people in three different organisations, two of them considering resigning. They are most definitely not working with leaders who are exhibiting ‘Inspiring Leadership’, ‘Spirit at work’ or ‘Companionate love’!

There are Unknown Unknowns! View yourself through Johari’s Window.

Updated August 1st 2023

I recently lead a programme on creating High Performing Teams, and our session turned to the concept of ‘Johari’s Window’. In case you haven’t heard of this concept, it was created by two American psychologists, Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in 1955 and is a technique used to help people better understand their relationship with themselves as well as others.

The ultimate goal of the Johari Window is to enlarge the Open Area or the Arena Area in our picture here (i.e. the area known to self and others), without disclosing information that is too personal (i.e. so personal that it makes you uncomfortable). The Open Area is argued to be the most important quadrant, as, generally, the more people know about each other, the more productive, cooperative, and effective they are likely to be when working together.

One of the gentlemen attending the High Performing Teams programme, a managing director of an SME, mentioned that he does not feel comfortable sharing personal information with colleagues (e.g. what he had got up to at the weekend) because he doesn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable, e.g. feel like their life isn’t as prosperous as his. He also doesn’t expect them to share personal information and so keeps all conversations work-related. It’s an interesting argument.

Kinjerski and Skrypnek (2006) have explored what they term ‘Spirit at work’. ‘Spirit at work’ is described as having high feelings of wellbeing, feeling like your work matters and feeling connected to your colleagues; it helps provide meaning and fulfilment in work. These researchers found a number of factors that contribute to ‘Spirit at work’. We will come back to all of them in future blogs, but what’s most pertinent now based on this gentleman’s argument is the following; The importance of having a sense of community among workers.

Those with high ‘Spirit at work’ have positive relationships in work that is promoted in their workplace. They develop personal relationships, they work cooperatively and they have a social life and share ‘fun times’ together.

According to the participants who have taken part in Kinjerski & Skrypneks’ various pieces of research, personal relationships are important because people know each other as people, as well as colleagues. They connect and share information with each other and they support one another. The work environment becomes like a family where there are strong connections, which provide a sense of belonging to a community. Participants in the study explained that when these personal relationships are developed it helps them to work more effectively as a team. Those who experience greater affection and caring from their co-workers perform better in their job.

There is a whole host of research showing that those who experience greater affection and caring from their co-workers perform better in their job. Barsade & O’Neill (2014a) conducted a longitudinal study looking at the emotional culture of employees and how this affects the person and their work performance. They created a theory around the culture of ‘Companionate Love’ and how this influences people. ‘Companionate Love’ they assert, is important and can greatly influence the workplace. It involves warmth, affection and connection; it is less intense and not passionate or romantic. It is linked to interdependence between people and having sensitivity towards others. The more employees feel this type of companionate love at work, the more likely they are to be engaged in work.

Over the coming weeks, consider the Open Area of Johari’s Window and ask yourself if you are developing the personal relationships and connection that lead to ‘Spirit at work’ and ‘Companionate love’? If you are not, consider the blocks (internal and external) to you from doing so and keep posted for more about Leadership, ‘Spirit at work’, Johari’s Window and more.

Conversations With Your Employees; Are You Asking The Right Questions?

Updated 31st July 2023

It may seem obvious, but an employees well-being and happiness plays an important role in the performance of an organisation.

Obvious, but is it being taken seriously enough, I ask?

The results of numerous studies shows that there is a relationship between employee happiness and workplace engagement. Happy and engaged workers are a lot more likely to have positive relationships with their managers, and are better able to handle new challenges and changes. They also feel valued by their employer, and as a result can deal with stress more effectively and overall are more satisfied with their lives (Krueger & Killham, 2005).

Throughout the past week, I found myself in various situations, from collaborating with groups in organisations, to engaging in heartfelt conversations with friends about their struggles in different relationships outside of work. These experiences served as poignant reminders of the challenges many of us face when attempting to have honest conversations that foster positive and flourishing relationships. It became evident that avoiding these crucial conversations can lead to a great deal of unhappiness and stress, underscoring the importance of addressing our communication barriers head-on.

Some of us skirt around the issue that we should be discussing, others ‘tell’ people what to do, and hence miss an opportunity to let the individual take real ownership of the solution. Sometimes people avoid having the conversation at all, and we’ve all seen examples of what happens then, at work and at home…

The thing is, we don’t have to be perfect communicators. We just need to listen, ask questions to understand, stop making assumptions and stop planning ahead in the conversations i.e. be present with and to the person in front of us and to the conversation that is actually happening.

I love the simplicity of the message in this TED talk, well worth a watch!:

“When You’re Smiling, The Whole World Smiles With You”

Updated July 31st 2023

Louis Armstong sang “When your smiling, the whole world smiles with you”.
I know a lot of people who are feeling very, very stressed right now. Whether it be from pressure at work, home or just that start-of-the-year feeling, and the expectations that come with this time of year, or a culmination of all of these things.

No matter the source of your stress, remember that you are not alone in experiencing these feelings. I vividly recall a recently challenging day I had in Belgium which took place shortly after the devastating Paris Attacks. Despite my father’s pleas to stay, I found myself going anyway, lugging two massive suitcases for the third time in as many weeks. Exhausted and burdened by my father’s concerns, I realised that I was yet again myself working tirelessly on what was meant to be a day off. Passing most responsibilities to my team, I had anticipated being able to take the time off. To add to the strain, I received a distressing call from a client, marking a significant turning point in a longstanding relationship – and not for the better.

I believe a series of events similar to this served as the catalyst for my recent venture into writing a book centered around the themes of ‘happiness, contentedness, stress management, and choice’. Throughout the process of writing this book, I delved into extensive research, seeking to understand the effects that maintaining a positive outlook, embracing gratitude, and choosing to smile can have on improving our well-being. It became evident that these simple actions have the power to transform our lives through changing our general outlook from negative to positive.

Many years ago, a feedback loop between the expression of and experience of emotions was suggested by the likes of Charles Darwin and by Dr. William James. There is now an accumulation of evidence illustrating how facial-muscular action can affect our mood and perception. For example, Michael Lewis, a psychologist at Cardiff University found “Facial muscles do not just express emotions but they are also involved in the experience or feeling of emotions: Smiling while reading a cartoon, for example, increases amusement.

Another study by Lewis & Bowler (2009) involved people who had undergone Botox injections and thus paralysed their ‘Frown’ muscles. They found that when people couldn’t make negative facial expressions, they found it harder to sustain negative moods. The absence of negative feedback from a person’s face muscles results in people feeling happier! On top of this, according to a rake of research (Wood et al, 2009 etc) grateful people experience positive emotions more frequently.

On the stressful day I spent in Belgium, I practiced smiling and gratefulness endlessly; after the call with my client; on a packed bus with cranky passengers (rush hour and me carrying large suitcases didn’t make them my best friends); a bus driver who was not prepared to wait while I lifted the suitcases off, and snarled at me for leaving the bus at the front door instead of the back door; the complete absence of any taxis, trains or buses for the final leg of my trip; with an aching back, and aching feet. I kept smiling and telling myself how grateful I am that although I am in pain with freezing hands, and have experienced a lot of negative people today, I am so lucky I get to put my head down in a clean hotel bed tonight, whilst so many others around the world have a cement slab, a park bench, or worse, are living in a war zone.

And you know what, other than the bus driver, I definitely got a lot of smiles back that day, because although I felt frustrated and cranky, I just kept treating other people as I would wish to be treated; with a smile and in gratitude!

🙂

International Day of Happiness!