Do You Have The ‘Difficult Conversations’ With Your Staff?

Updated August 1st 2023

I had an interesting encounter recently with a Managing Director, let’s call him Dom. I wanted to find out how he manages difficult conversations and communicates with his staff.

“Having difficult conversations? Listening to people? Why do I need to?” asks Dom.
“How have you survived this long without having these conversations, with a business that is 12 years old and has grown to over 100 people?” I ask.
“I delegate all difficult conversations” he says.
“Wow, that is some expertise in delegation!” I respond.

If this ‘delegating conversations’ was unusual, it would not be all that useful for me to write about and for you to read. At least he is being honest. It is often only when I ask people to give me examples of difficult conversations they have had or need to have, that it transpires they have been avoiding having many, many, many conversations they should have been having all along. My experience, as well as research, shows that not having these conversations results in lack of clarity, lack of follow through and a general disengagement by employees.

Did you know, that 1 in 2 people leave their job to get away from their manager?

Did you know that managers account for at least 70% of variance in employee engagement scores?

Did you know that employees whose managers excel at performance management activities are more engaged than employees whose managers struggle with these same tasks.?

And did you know that, clear & consistent communication — whether it occurs in person, over the phone or electronically – is 1 of the main ingredients connected to higher engagement?

Dom and I engaged in a role-play exercise, simulating a conversation that Dom had been avoiding for quite some time. Having already practiced various scenarios with his colleagues, Dom understood the importance of being an attentive listener in this particular conversation. However, during our role-play, I noticed that he appeared to be listening while only pretending to do so. Although he asked relevant questions (which is often half the battle), it was evident to me, and therefore would most likely be evident to others, that his attention was not fully engaged. Perhaps his position as the MD and the support he receives from his senior team allowed him to get away with it so far, but the consequences are becoming apparent. Dom realizes that he must address this issue promptly to prevent potential problems. He can no longer delegate important conversations; his colleagues have reached their limit.

Of course, it is everyone’s responsibility to have conversations. If you would like to consider whether you are asking questions and actually listening, see some more blogs on this topic below:

When is the last time you said Thank You to your team?

FEEDBACK – Everyone needs Feedback!

The Power of the Domino Effect in Organisations

Positive Leadership Engages Employees

Updated August 1st 2023

I am involved in, committed to and enthusiastic about my work and workplace…does that sound like you?

Gallup (a US workplace research company) have been studying employee engagement for years. The above is how they describe an engaged employee. A recent article by Mann & Harter (2016) illustrated that worldwide only 13% of employees in organisations are considered to be engaged workers.

Additionally, did you know that managers who are optimistic are more engaged and are more likely to manage teams that produce better results? This is according to a study by Arakawa & Greenberg. The study also showed that managers who valued their employees strengths, who had a positive perspective and regularly provided recognition of accomplishments, had employees who were themselves optimistic and engaged. Positive leadership is shown to be related to employee engagement and performance. This illustrates the importance of optimism in the workplace.

Arakawa & Greenberg found that employee optimism was related to their engagement in work which was linked to their project performance. These findings “suggest that managers who currently embody positive leadership are contributing to the effectiveness of not only their employees, but also the organisation as a whole.” (Arakawa & Greenberg, 2007).

There is much evidence showing that leaders need to reflect on the emotions that they are portraying at work every day, as their mood will be reflected by their team. And as Barsade & O’Neill suggest, leaders need to focus less on their ‘cognitive culture’ (teamwork, performance etc.) and develop more their emotional culture using (as mentioned in recent blogs) companionate love, joy and pride. Hold out for our next blog to learn more about how to do so.

When Was The Last Time You Said ‘Thank You’ To Your Team?

Updated August 1st 2023

When was the last time you said ‘thank you’ or expressed genuine interest towards someone on your team? Or are you of the opinion that if someone performs the role they are assigned to and they get paid for it, then ‘thank you’ is not necessary?

Imagine if you knew that simply taking a moment to express gratitude or inquire about someone’s well-being could significantly enhance satisfaction and teamwork, reduce absenteeism, and create a positive impact on customers and clients. Would you then be motivated to make a more concerted effort in this regard?

As you might recall, I mentioned a study conducted by Barsade & O’Neill (2014a) in our previous blog. They discovered that the presence of companionate love, characterized by interdependence, sensitivity, warmth, affection, and connection among individuals, fosters higher employee satisfaction and improved teamwork while simultaneously reducing work absenteeism and emotional exhaustion.

They also found that this type of culture is positively related to client outcomes. When this research was carried out in a hospital setting, it found that workers who had a better emotional and caring culture directly influenced their patients who experienced better mood and satisfaction, and increased quality of life.

Barsade & O’Neill illustrated across a variety of organisations and industries that it was the strength of an organisations companionate love culture that determined employee engagement; where people could express affection, tenderness and caring, had higher levels of job satisfaction, commitment to the organisation and accountability for their work.

In workplaces that don’t experience or promote companionate love there are minimal displays of affection, caring and compassion among workers and people tend to be more indifferent towards each other. Employees in such cultures don’t get to experience the positive emotions that go with companionate love in work and they are less equipped to deal with work situations that are going badly.

I know the idea of this at all makes a lot of people very uncomfortable. But it doesn’t have to be complicated: Barsade & O’Neill illustrate that most importantly “it is the small moments between coworkers — a warm smile, a kind note, a sympathetic ear — day after day, month after month, that help create and maintain a strong culture of companionate love and the employee satisfaction, productivity, and client satisfaction that comes with it.”

I know there have been many times I have suggested to people in management positions to say ‘thank you’, or to write the odd note. I have often been asked in response to this type of suggestion, ‘isn’t it enough that people get paid?!’ or similar.

What do you think?

Inspiring Leadership, Be Aware Of Your Blind Spot.

Updated August 1st 2023

In our most recent blog we discussed ‘Inspiring Leadership’ and I shared some examples of where it is not happening. In my conversations with the individuals who were experiencing the complete opposite of ‘Inspiring Leadership’, we were trying to work out if the leaders in question were aware of their behaviour and impact. It is possible they are not. We ALL have blind spots!

You may also recall Johari’s Window, mentioned in our second last blog.
As you will know from that blog, (or maybe you knew already), the Open Arena/Area (Area know to self and others) is argued to be the most important quadrant. The argument is that the more people know about each other, the more productive, cooperative, and effective they are likely to be when working together. In Johari’s Window there is a quadrant known as Unknown (known to nobody, including myself!) and Blind Spot/Area (known to others, but unknown to me).

During a course I attended, I had a remarkable moment of newfound awareness. Throughout the program, I sought opportunities to connect with the other attendees, including one woman in particular. Unfortunately, despite my genuine attempts to engage with her during the exercises, I couldn’t shake off the feeling of being repeatedly snubbed.

As time went on, I reached a point where I decided to stop making any further efforts to connect with her. It seemed like she had little interest in engaging, and I found myself mostly ignoring her. It was an unusual approach for me, but the demanding challenges presented during the course required me to be selective when deciding where to invest my energy. I made a deliberate choice to prioritise my own learning through the set exercises.

On the final day of the course we were all saying good-bye to each other, and she walked straight up to me and apologised. I asked her why she was apologising and she said that on meeting me and hearing me speak during the introductions on the first day she had felt intimidated. For me to think someone might find me intimidating was shocking. I asked her what it was I did that intimidated her. She told me that it was some sense of confidence I had that she felt she did not have, and so she felt small in my presence.

Wow! There I was thinking I do a great job of making people feel comfortable! She told me that through the course she had finally realized that she could become as confident as I appeared and that there was no reason to feel intimidated! Phew!

It’s fascinating how we often notice qualities in others that we believe we lack ourselves, leading us to either gravitate towards them or keep our distance. It’s equally remarkable to reflect on my personal growth journey, recognising how I once struggled with self-confidence and how far I have come since then. I now find myself contemplating how many people I may have thought I took a dislike to when, in truth, I was potentially intimidated by certain aspects they possessed – qualities I actually aspired to have.

I share this because it is important on a number of fronts:

A) I was wholly unaware that the confidence I have spent years building could be intimidating to others. Even though I look to represent and be a beacon of what one can overcome if one so wishes (In my case low self-esteem, depression, dyslexia!), doesn’t mean that it makes other people comfortable!

B) Both she and I were stuck in the Unknown Area (represents things that are unknown by you, and are unknown by others). Because we disconnected from each other early on, there was a whole host of things that were unknown to each other; we were making assumptions and we were potentially losing out on other gains. I made assumptions that she was rude and ignorant, but actually she was intimidated and I later realised she is a very nice woman! I’ve asked it many times in previous blogs, but how much are our assumptions about other people’s behavior taking us in the wrong direction every day?

C) I made a decision, having been snubbed off, that I would focus my energy on the exercises rather than on building a particular relationship. How often do we all do this in life and in the workplace, focusing on the task rather than the people? As Adele Cooper, Head of Partnerships for the UK and Ireland at Pinterest says “Make getting to know people individually- their roles, responsibilities, what frustrates them-a priority over hitting immediate business goals or achieving personal success. Motivating every member of the team enables it to be more successful”.

Hmmm, still lots to think about with Johari’s Window, relationships and leadership (of ourselves and others!). Keep reflecting on the responsibility and actions you are taking on, while reading these blogs (or not) and we will continue…..if you have any comments of questions, don’t be shy! If you like what you read please give it a thumbs up.

How Can We Help Our Leaders become ‘Inspiring Leaders?’

Updated August 1st 2023

In the past week, I have spoken with a number of people across diverse organisations who are experiencing what could best be described as bullying. All of them are extremely bright and committed individuals, (a mixture of senior managers, director and chief officers) and two of them are considering resigning in coming months. I guarantee that their potential resignation will be a blow to their teams and have wide rippling effects cross-functionally and beyond.

If only this was an uncommon situation. However, unfortunately it is not. Think about it. Me, one person who had 3 separate conversations in the space of one week with 3 people who lead large teams and who are all experiencing some form of bullying from their reporting manager…this does not bode well!

If you read our last blog, you will recall the mention of Kinjerski and Skrypnek (2006), who explored what they term ‘Spirit at Work’ (having high feelings of wellbeing, feeling like your work matters and feeling connected to your colleagues; all helping to provide meaning and fulfillment in work). You will also recall that there are a number of factors required to develop ‘Spirit at Work’.

One such factor, indeed the most important factor, according to Kinjerski & Skrypnek is ‘Inspiring Leadership’

“Inspiring Leaders:

Create a caring culture.
Are caring in the sense that the welfare of their staff and work relationships are important.
Embody behaviours that match those of the organisations’ philosophy and intentions.
Encourage and help staff to reach their goals.
Communicate tasks clearly.
Involve people in the decision-making process.
Delegate responsibility so workers can make decisions about their work on their own.”

Kinjerski and Skrypnek (2006) found that a positive workplace was important in creating ‘Spirit at work’. Positive working environments help people develop a sense of spirit at work where they feel good during work, they are happy with their organisation and they focus on tasks required during work.

The people I mentioned above are experiencing the exact opposite of ‘Inspiring Leadership’.

As we all know, the workplace culture reflects the leadership within the organisation, the relationships among colleagues, the opportunities and priorities in an organisation, and how people are viewed in the organisation.

i.e. don’t expect people to show up in certain ways if you are not leading by example. A positive workplace is one where care, teamwork and support are displayed and developed by senior staff; this creates a workplace where people are able to work to their best/perform best.

Pamela Quinn (MD of Kuehne + Nagel Ireland, one of the worlds largest logistic companies) states: “I believe that people mirror behaviours and they tend naturally to follow the behaviours they see around them.”

How have your reflections been re. the Open/Arena Area (the Area known to self and others), of Johari’s Window? Are you taking the lead in this one?

If you are reading the current blogs and thinking this is all fluffy stuff, have a look around you and consider my experiences in the past week. Three people in three different organisations, two of them considering resigning. They are most definitely not working with leaders who are exhibiting ‘Inspiring Leadership’, ‘Spirit at work’ or ‘Companionate love’!

There are Unknown Unknowns! View yourself through Johari’s Window.

Updated August 1st 2023

I recently lead a programme on creating High Performing Teams, and our session turned to the concept of ‘Johari’s Window’. In case you haven’t heard of this concept, it was created by two American psychologists, Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in 1955 and is a technique used to help people better understand their relationship with themselves as well as others.

The ultimate goal of the Johari Window is to enlarge the Open Area or the Arena Area in our picture here (i.e. the area known to self and others), without disclosing information that is too personal (i.e. so personal that it makes you uncomfortable). The Open Area is argued to be the most important quadrant, as, generally, the more people know about each other, the more productive, cooperative, and effective they are likely to be when working together.

One of the gentlemen attending the High Performing Teams programme, a managing director of an SME, mentioned that he does not feel comfortable sharing personal information with colleagues (e.g. what he had got up to at the weekend) because he doesn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable, e.g. feel like their life isn’t as prosperous as his. He also doesn’t expect them to share personal information and so keeps all conversations work-related. It’s an interesting argument.

Kinjerski and Skrypnek (2006) have explored what they term ‘Spirit at work’. ‘Spirit at work’ is described as having high feelings of wellbeing, feeling like your work matters and feeling connected to your colleagues; it helps provide meaning and fulfilment in work. These researchers found a number of factors that contribute to ‘Spirit at work’. We will come back to all of them in future blogs, but what’s most pertinent now based on this gentleman’s argument is the following; The importance of having a sense of community among workers.

Those with high ‘Spirit at work’ have positive relationships in work that is promoted in their workplace. They develop personal relationships, they work cooperatively and they have a social life and share ‘fun times’ together.

According to the participants who have taken part in Kinjerski & Skrypneks’ various pieces of research, personal relationships are important because people know each other as people, as well as colleagues. They connect and share information with each other and they support one another. The work environment becomes like a family where there are strong connections, which provide a sense of belonging to a community. Participants in the study explained that when these personal relationships are developed it helps them to work more effectively as a team. Those who experience greater affection and caring from their co-workers perform better in their job.

There is a whole host of research showing that those who experience greater affection and caring from their co-workers perform better in their job. Barsade & O’Neill (2014a) conducted a longitudinal study looking at the emotional culture of employees and how this affects the person and their work performance. They created a theory around the culture of ‘Companionate Love’ and how this influences people. ‘Companionate Love’ they assert, is important and can greatly influence the workplace. It involves warmth, affection and connection; it is less intense and not passionate or romantic. It is linked to interdependence between people and having sensitivity towards others. The more employees feel this type of companionate love at work, the more likely they are to be engaged in work.

Over the coming weeks, consider the Open Area of Johari’s Window and ask yourself if you are developing the personal relationships and connection that lead to ‘Spirit at work’ and ‘Companionate love’? If you are not, consider the blocks (internal and external) to you from doing so and keep posted for more about Leadership, ‘Spirit at work’, Johari’s Window and more.

Conversations With Your Employees; Are You Asking The Right Questions?

Updated 31st July 2023

It may seem obvious, but an employees well-being and happiness plays an important role in the performance of an organisation.

Obvious, but is it being taken seriously enough, I ask?

The results of numerous studies shows that there is a relationship between employee happiness and workplace engagement. Happy and engaged workers are a lot more likely to have positive relationships with their managers, and are better able to handle new challenges and changes. They also feel valued by their employer, and as a result can deal with stress more effectively and overall are more satisfied with their lives (Krueger & Killham, 2005).

Throughout the past week, I found myself in various situations, from collaborating with groups in organisations, to engaging in heartfelt conversations with friends about their struggles in different relationships outside of work. These experiences served as poignant reminders of the challenges many of us face when attempting to have honest conversations that foster positive and flourishing relationships. It became evident that avoiding these crucial conversations can lead to a great deal of unhappiness and stress, underscoring the importance of addressing our communication barriers head-on.

Some of us skirt around the issue that we should be discussing, others ‘tell’ people what to do, and hence miss an opportunity to let the individual take real ownership of the solution. Sometimes people avoid having the conversation at all, and we’ve all seen examples of what happens then, at work and at home…

The thing is, we don’t have to be perfect communicators. We just need to listen, ask questions to understand, stop making assumptions and stop planning ahead in the conversations i.e. be present with and to the person in front of us and to the conversation that is actually happening.

I love the simplicity of the message in this TED talk, well worth a watch!:

“When You’re Smiling, The Whole World Smiles With You”

Updated July 31st 2023

Louis Armstong sang “When your smiling, the whole world smiles with you”.
I know a lot of people who are feeling very, very stressed right now. Whether it be from pressure at work, home or just that start-of-the-year feeling, and the expectations that come with this time of year, or a culmination of all of these things.

No matter the source of your stress, remember that you are not alone in experiencing these feelings. I vividly recall a recently challenging day I had in Belgium which took place shortly after the devastating Paris Attacks. Despite my father’s pleas to stay, I found myself going anyway, lugging two massive suitcases for the third time in as many weeks. Exhausted and burdened by my father’s concerns, I realised that I was yet again myself working tirelessly on what was meant to be a day off. Passing most responsibilities to my team, I had anticipated being able to take the time off. To add to the strain, I received a distressing call from a client, marking a significant turning point in a longstanding relationship – and not for the better.

I believe a series of events similar to this served as the catalyst for my recent venture into writing a book centered around the themes of ‘happiness, contentedness, stress management, and choice’. Throughout the process of writing this book, I delved into extensive research, seeking to understand the effects that maintaining a positive outlook, embracing gratitude, and choosing to smile can have on improving our well-being. It became evident that these simple actions have the power to transform our lives through changing our general outlook from negative to positive.

Many years ago, a feedback loop between the expression of and experience of emotions was suggested by the likes of Charles Darwin and by Dr. William James. There is now an accumulation of evidence illustrating how facial-muscular action can affect our mood and perception. For example, Michael Lewis, a psychologist at Cardiff University found “Facial muscles do not just express emotions but they are also involved in the experience or feeling of emotions: Smiling while reading a cartoon, for example, increases amusement.

Another study by Lewis & Bowler (2009) involved people who had undergone Botox injections and thus paralysed their ‘Frown’ muscles. They found that when people couldn’t make negative facial expressions, they found it harder to sustain negative moods. The absence of negative feedback from a person’s face muscles results in people feeling happier! On top of this, according to a rake of research (Wood et al, 2009 etc) grateful people experience positive emotions more frequently.

On the stressful day I spent in Belgium, I practiced smiling and gratefulness endlessly; after the call with my client; on a packed bus with cranky passengers (rush hour and me carrying large suitcases didn’t make them my best friends); a bus driver who was not prepared to wait while I lifted the suitcases off, and snarled at me for leaving the bus at the front door instead of the back door; the complete absence of any taxis, trains or buses for the final leg of my trip; with an aching back, and aching feet. I kept smiling and telling myself how grateful I am that although I am in pain with freezing hands, and have experienced a lot of negative people today, I am so lucky I get to put my head down in a clean hotel bed tonight, whilst so many others around the world have a cement slab, a park bench, or worse, are living in a war zone.

And you know what, other than the bus driver, I definitely got a lot of smiles back that day, because although I felt frustrated and cranky, I just kept treating other people as I would wish to be treated; with a smile and in gratitude!

🙂

Remind Yourself To Be ‘Mindful’ Today!

Updated July 31st 2023

We received a great testimonial during the week from one of our regular newsletter readers about the effects that following the Mindful exercises in our 7-Steps to Learning & Habit Change series had on them.

It’s great to receive positive feedback from our readers. We write these for you guys to read on the move, when you’re in a hurry, on public transport, in a shopping queue or just taking five and looking for a bite sized read. We aim to deliver a short, direct message in each blog, so receiving engagement and feedback from our readers makes it all worthwhile.

If you’ve been inspired by anything we’ve written, reach out and let us know. Like or share our posts, it would be really appreciated. We would like to take this opportunity to wish all Adaptas friends, readers, supporters and colleagues a Safe and Peaceful Holiday break. Here’s that testimonial:

“The Adaptas blog I was most struck by this year, was from your 7-Steps to Learning & Habit Change series on Mindfulness. I would like to remind everyone of the benefits of Mindfulness heading into this Christmas period. In your blog, you spoke of the difficulty in learning this habit. Of being mindful in every moment, ‘when having conversations or drinking a juice.’ You are spot on about this. Since reading your blog in August, I set about intending to master this and practise mindfulness in my every step. You were so right….it’s not easy but I have to tell you, it is totally worth it. I have learned; It’s about giving, not receiving, it’s about being kind to yourself and to others. It’s about taking responsibility for getting to this point and believing that change is possible. Change is essential, in everything. Change is the ebb and flow of life.”

http://www.adaptastraining.com/mindfulness-foundations-for-the-7-steps-to-learning-and-habit-change#sthash.RwmNhGSo.dpuf

Anonymous

STOP Treating The Symptoms: Part Two from David Mullins-Tennis Coach

Updated July 31st 2023

Part Two from guest blogger, David Mullins, Head Women’s Tennis Coach at the University of Oklahoma (OU)

You are probably eager to know what diet I am going to recommend or how you should become a vegan, follow a paleo plan or something along those lines. I definitely do not recommend diets to my athletes, or anyone for that matter.

All I advocate is that you experiment with what works and doesn’t work for your body. However, there are four foods that all our digestive systems will have a negative encounter with:

Artificial Sweeteners – diet sodas and sweeteners for your coffee/tea. These products stimulate your appetite by disrupting your body’s ability to know how many calories it is consuming. This can obviously lead to weight gain and higher blood sugar levels.
Alcohol (sorry!)– it kills the good bacteria in your gut. Also when you consume alcohol you are more likely to crave the worst kind of foods
Any products containing Azodicarbonamide – it is a whitening agent in flour that you will find mostly in some white bread product such as bread rolls, Danish pastries and croissants. This is the same compound that is used in the making of yoga mats, say no more!
Be careful of you sugar intake, the recommended dose is 5-28 grams per day, depending on the study, but most people are up around 40 grams each day. Sugar can irritate your gut, which may at times manifest itself as an autoimmune response. There is also evidence suggesting that depression is linked to inflammation in the gut.

I also advise people to take a good probiotic supplement (with at least seven unique strains of bacteria) twice per day after meals if possible. Don’t rely on your morning yogurt for your probiotics as the amount of sugar in those little tubs cancel out any probiotic benefits the product is advertising! We like Dynamic Nutrition PureBiotics as they are allergy free and have no preservatives or artificial ingredients. If you don’t want to take a supplement eat more fermented foods, e.g. sauerkraut and pickles. I know Celine is experimenting with water kefir grains at the moment.

As a coach I do my best to educate my players about nutrition but there is only so much I can control. Instead, I make sure I am a great example to my team as to how they should be eating to effectively fuel their bodies for sport and life. I truly practice what I preach and I hope, with time, that they will continue to make better decisions.

Do your best to be the best role model you can be to those you are managing in all areas of your life, including nutrition. The extra energy and vitality you will feel with these changes will be noticeable and hopefully contagious too! A few basic changes can help alleviate a lot of the negative health & performance issues you and your team are facing. Good Luck!

During his 12 years of coaching at a number of different elite College Athletic Departments in the U.S.A, David has garnered numerous coaching awards and helped his programs breakthrough to new heights of athletic achievement. He is currently the Head Women’s Tennis coach at the University of Oklahoma (OU) where he helps develop players for the WTA tennis tour. He also received his Master’s in Education at OU and is currently working towards his Yoga Teaching Certification.

Before starting his coaching career David was a international professional tennis player earning an ATP world ranking in both singles and doubles play while representing the National Irish team in Davis Cup play.

For more health, fitness and relationship advice please follow David on Twitter @2KidsAndASpouse

Listen To Your Gut And STOP Treating The Symptoms

Updated July 31st 2023

Today’s guest blogger is David Mullins, Head Women’s Tennis Coach at the University of Oklahoma (OU)

As an effective leader, would you treat the symptom of a problem within your organization or would you work hard to try and find the source of the problem in order to prevent further issues?

My guess is that you would do everything you could to get right to the source of the issue. So why do we generally take such a different approach when it comes to our health?

Most people spend the majority of their time treating the symptoms to their health woes rather than getting right to the source.

There is so much noise out there as to what you need to be doing in order to be healthy and happy. Few people know where to start, and just get overwhelmed and give up with all the different things they are supposed to be doing; lifting weights, yoga, cardio, meditation, sleep, relaxation, supplements etc. The list goes on and on, and there is much we can be doing to improve our health and performance but what is truly the foundation of it all?

In my experience, the first step we should all be taking to help ourselves perform at our best, is to get our nutrition working for us, not against us. At the source of it all is how our gut is handling the bacteria we are feeding it:

A healthy gut equals a healthy digestive system. Listen to your Gut.
A healthy digestive system equals better quality sleep and more energy.
More energy equals better relationships, exercise, and performance at work or play.
Better performance, relationships and exercise equals a healthy body and mind!

Everyone is on different points on the spectrum but understand that the fatigue you feel throughout the day or the terrible night of sleep you got is not because you haven’t exercised…it is most likely caused by the food you ate. We can go down the whole list of symptoms that most people are dealing with on a daily basis and source it directly back to what food and beverages they are consuming.

There is no end to the literature out there as to what we should be eating, how much of it and when, but who has time for that with our busy schedules? My advice would be to cut out a few key foods that are playing havoc on your digestive system. For the next week, notice the foods you ‘go to’ most and notice how they make you feel.

For now, start paying attention to how you feel after you eat. Tune in to our next blog to learn about the Four foods that have a negative impact on our digestive system.

For more health, fitness and relationship advice please follow David on Twitter @2KidsAndASpouse

Mindfulness- Living WITH The Speed of Life!

Updated July 31st 2024

We think, say, and hear all the time:

“I can’t believe it’s already Friday!”

“We’re already into August!“

“Another year has passed so quickly”

“Where has the time gone??”

Let’s face it: we live in a world where life is literally running away from us. Not because it doesn’t like us and wants to escape from us. It’s because of how our way of living has evolved over many years; we have been surviving – and I literally mean surviving – on this planet.

Having said that, I feel an urgent need to throw a crucial question into the air for everyone out there to catch: Does our fast-paced world represent the rock-solid, inevitable nature of our life? Or are we just “living too fast“?

We always have 3 ways to deal with a challenging situation:

1: We flee.

2: We fight.

3: We adapt.

No. 1 (We flee) is ESCAPING the speed of life: I deem this as something impossible, because we might eventually grind to a halt and stand still for the rest of our life.

No. 2 (We fight) is living AGAINST the speed of life: at first this sounds like a good idea to me, because momentarily we are drowning (or suffocating – picture whichever option you like better!) in the current world of immediacy, instantaneousness, and promptness – it’s now or never!

Turning this world into the promised land where ‘time“ is a foreign word, is something that many of us – be it tangibly or just subcutaneously – wish and strive for.

However, I have one little issue with this: the word “against“ embodies a fight, a struggle, resistance – basically a lot of “negative effort”. We have enough of this in our daily life already, don’t we? So we don’t want any more of this, do we?

This leaves us with the last option, No.3 (we adapt). In which we don’t deny or run away from time but instead focus on ADAPTING to the speed of life. Now what’s decisive here is that we need to understand that we have two possibilities, as well as the choice to pick one of them – just like a train track can go into different directions as its rails split into two at certain points.

The first sub-option is that we live AT the speed of life, which means that we imitate and take on all its characteristics – we basically become one with the speed of life, meaning that we will BE the speed of life!

Getting back to what I said earlier about our urge for being gratified either now or never: if we choose this option – most of the time we do it without conscious intent, (perhaps because someone out there e.g. friend, parent, media, has in fact told us to do so)- we perceive less of what is happening in the world – because all we focus on is instant gratification!

Something happens which inevitably out-smarts our vast skill-set and reduces the quality of our decision-making, as we don’t take the time to see the whole picture. This means that we have less control over what we do, and eventually we get frustrated because of where our (unconscious) decisions have lead.

If this scenario does not appeal to you, you can always opt for sub-option 2, which is living WITH the speed of life. What we need to understand here is that when we adapt to something, we have the choice of shaping what we take on, as we like, without becoming that thing itself. We can instead become our own version, living next to that thing, rather than taking on its characteristics. For example, say you don’t like your manager, who is a stressed and aggressive person. You can adapt to him/her rather, than becoming like him/her – easiest thing to do to deal with the situation would be to become stressed and aggressive towards your manager or others. But the healthier thing to do is to learn some techniques to deal with this type of personality, and hence keep yourself calm and content.

In other words: we can let the speed of life determine how we adapt to it, or we can determine it ourselves to eventually live WITH it.

The former (sub-option 1) is the far more convenient and satisfying “low-energy-cost“-version, which will – ironically enough – lead to a “quicker“ life and therefore frustration.

The latter (sub-option 2) requires us to consciously slow down, hold on, step back, and see the whole picture.

The key is that only achieving a state of mindfulness will allow us to perceive the huge amount of options that are available to us – including living a “slower“, “longer“, and therefore a happier life.

I know why I thoroughly enjoyed writing this blog.

Written by our Guest Blogger Oliver Sifkovits (Msc, CSCS)

Oliver Sifkovits (Msc, CSCS) is a Performance Enhancement Specialist, Personal Trainer, as well as 4th belt holder in Capoeira. He has provided Strength and Conditioning service to athletes from various sports, levels, and age groups, including footballers from Hertha BSC Academy, World Cruiserweight Boxing Champion Pablo Hernandez, as well as multiple Austrian Racketlon Champion Michael Dickert. His approach is designed around improving body-mind-spirit performance and health in individuals.

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